


On the Corner of Honey and Vanilla

by bestGuesses, leangreencastielmachine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxious Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel Has a Crush on Dean Winchester, Castiel is Claire Novak's Parent, Coffee Shop Owner Dean Winchester, College | University Student Castiel (Supernatural), Eventual Fluff, Kid Claire Novak, Kid Fic, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overworking, Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Parent Castiel (Supernatural), Past Character Death, Pining, Single Parent Castiel (Supernatural), Sleep Deprivation, Supportive Gabriel (Supernatural), Tags May Change, mcd in past, nobody new will die dw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24139069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestGuesses/pseuds/bestGuesses, https://archiveofourown.org/users/leangreencastielmachine/pseuds/leangreencastielmachine
Summary: At 37 and after the death of his lifelong girlfriend, Castiel decides to finally get his degree. Being a single father and community college student with about 2 cents to his name is difficult. Dean wants to help lighten the load.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Past Castiel/Amelia Novak - Relationship
Comments: 13
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> thank you SO much to my friend gracie for this cute ass idea. i was only planning on having this be a oneshot but i decided that a multichap would fit this better, even if i SUCK at writing multichaps. as usual, thank you to leangreencastielmachine for betaing this. to you readers, enjoy!

Castiel was exhausted. He’d spent the past week straining his eyes behind the bright white light of a computer screen and bouncing an unhappy six-year-old on his knee, and if anything, he needed sleep that lasted more than 30 minutes.

Or caffeine.

_ So _ much caffeine.

He doubted Claire would be able to handle a trip to a coffee shop and he wasn’t exactly keen on drinking energy drinks (human rocket fuel) for the rest of the semester. He’d made the brilliant decision to try and finally get his damn degree.

At 37.

With a child.

It wasn’t going well.

Most of his professors were gracious enough to offer him extensions where he needed them, although a few were enough of a pain in his ass that he had to spend actual time in class, giving Claire to Gabriel for a few hours a day just so he could attend a pointless class. It wasn’t even a uni!

He had no idea why the hell community college professors could be so uptight, but he needed his damn credits so he slaved through the lectures. Sometimes, he’d even come in after class with Claire just to catch up on whatever he missed. His schedule was packed beyond the brim, and it didn’t help that Claire just  _ never _ could get along with him. When Amelia was around, it was all so easy.

Car crashes  _ sucked _ .

Cas was left with a child and an unused engagement ring.

He didn’t even have the time to process the passing of his lifelong girlfriend, which also  _ sucked _ .

Castiel immediately drowned himself in work (too much of it), and… he wasn’t dead, so that was a plus. Still, he could feel his exhaustion deepen a bit every time Claire began crying for her mom, her tiny hands wiping her eyes and pushing Cas away whenever he tried to comfort her. She was a strong kid but she was too damn young to already be pushing him away. It took Castiel 4 months of his hellish routine before he finally ended up so dehydrated he passed out, leading to an ER trip and a  _ much-needed _ wakeup call. As little as he and Claire had in common, he knew she cared.

“Daddy-” she sniffled from beside him. He laid in the hospital bed, his nose was broken from his collapse, and his vision was fuzzy at the edges. She laid with him and cried into his shoulder, taking a break after what felt like an eternity.

“Yeah, muffin?” he asked weakly.

“Are you go- gonna leave? Like- like mommy? I don’t want you to leave,” she said, tearing up once again. Cas held her close.

Yeah, he needed to lay off the work.

***   
  
As soon as Cas was released, he was hellbent on righting whatever he’d done wrong. Working a part-time job and cramming all of his classes into the night wasn’t going well, so he spread them out a little more. He freed up about 2 hours a day to actually  _ sleep _ ! Claire still cried at night when she thought he was asleep, and still pushed him away whenever he tried to hug her, but things were… better.

He also realized that he needed time to  _ himself _ .

Cas had been so focused on the future, on  _ Claire’s _ future, that he hadn’t allowed himself any respite from the constant work. His funds were measly, but he had enough to splurge on a cheap coffee at least once a week if he stopped eating breakfast. Hell, Claire could even get better food for herself.

  
Cas was  _ fine _ with one cup of instant noodles a day, he was a big boy. Besides, parents were supposed to sacrifice for their kids. Cas would starve if it meant Claire would be happy, but he knew that if he died, she’d be put in the foster system and that’d make her pretty unhappy. He rented a room in Gabe’s house, giving most of the space to Claire other than his essentials.

He was  _ fine _ .

***

One month after Cas’ wakeup call, Claire got sick. A bad flu, he presumed, and she cried the entire time she was awake and not coughing or eating. And as much as he hated to admit it, her extra sleeping got him a break.

At 7:03 PM, he set off to go to a cafe for his weekly allotted coffee. He waited at the bus stop, scanned his card, and held onto the bar at the top of the bus, got off at his usual cafe...

And it was closed.

Because of  _ course _ it was.

Had his willpower been any weaker, he’d have probably cried.

Who was he kidding? He was already on the verge of tears. Maybe he did collapse on the sidewalk and cry like a bitch. He allowed himself that. He was so  _ tired _ and he couldn’t even get a damn cup of coffee. Oh yeah, and the love of his life was dead and he was raising a kid on his own. He was overwhelmed and so tired and-

“Hey, buddy, you good?” a voice asked. Cas slowly looked up at him through red-rimmed eyes.

“Yeah, sorry-” Cas sniffled, “I’m blocking the sidewalk,” he quickly stood, looking at the stranger. He was a little taller than Cas, seemingly about his age. He wore a plain black apron over a brown henley and jeans, his eyes bright green and freckles dotted across his face.

Okay, maybe Cas was a  _ little _ attracted to him. But he was also crying in front of him, so he didn’t stand much of a chance.

“No! It’s fine. I was gonna ask if you wanted a coffee, I own the shop across the street and… you look like you could use a drink. A tea, or a bagel, or a coffee, or whatever.”

“I-” Cas remembered the shop. He’d checked it out a few times, it was a cute little place on the corner of Vanilla Avenue and Honey Road. The location was sweetly fitting. Still, it was far too expensive for him, “I can’t pay.”

“On me.”

“I can’t-”

“I insist,” the man said. “C’mon. Alright, how about this? You help me clean up a little as payment.”

The offer was tempting, but he had to decline.

“My daughter is sick at home, I can’t- I was just gonna pick something up.”

“Then come when you’re free,” the man shrugged. “Seriously, dude. Nobody breaks down in the middle of a sidewalk for no reason. Please?”

  
Cas wiped his eyes, sniffling pathetically before sighing. “Okay.”

The man lit up. “Awesome. I’m Dean, by the way,” he said.

“I’m Castiel,” he answered. Dean smiled in response, lightly grabbing his wrist.

“Nice name. Let’s go, alright?”

“Yeah,” Cas responded weakly, letting Dean drag him across the street. They stepped into the shop, the chime of the bells welcoming them. Dean forced him into a seat before retreating behind the counter to pour him a mug of coffee.

“How do you want it?”

“Black, extra espresso shots please.”

“Got it,” Dean said, not questioning his order. He came over with the mug, sliding it in front of Cas.

“Thank you,” Castiel sighed graciously, taking the mug in his hands and taking a sip, grimacing. “Oh god, that tastes bad,” he said before drinking more.

“Black coffee isn’t the best.”

“I need caffeine. Badly.”

“I noticed. Wanna chat about what’s up? I don’t judge,” Dean smiled warmly. Cas sighed.

“Uh- d’you really wanna hear about all my sad stuff?”

“That’s what I just asked.”

Cas sighed. “My girlfriend died, and I was gonna propose. Car crash- t bone. A drunk driver slammed into her side of the car, and she died on impact. I had to bring our daughter home from school and tell her that her mommy wouldn’t be coming home,” Cas said weakly, his grip on the mug tightening. Dean gently rubbed his back.

“I’m really sorry,” he said softly, “That sounds… awful, really.”

“Yeah,” Cas sighed, “Claire- my daughter- always loved her mom more. I was never good at this parenting thing. But- I mean, I love her with my whole heart. She hasn’t stopped crying since it happened. And- I tried to turn our lives around. I’m back in college, which is pretty pathetic since I’m going  _ grey _ , and- it’s too much, Dean. I just- I wasn’t cut out for this.”

“When’s the last time you’ve had an actual break? Just an hour to yourself, where you’re awake and not in class or doing work? Just having fun.”

Cas sat in thought for a second before answering. “I- I dunno. I don’t really get those moments anymore.”

“Then come back. Just if you have a free night. Bring Claire, have a coffee, and maybe help me clean up if you’re so hellbent on paying me back. Please?”   
  


“Are you even sure?” Castiel asked hesitantly.

“100 percent. C’mon, you can do your assignments here and everything. I have a little brother-he’s at his girlfriend’s house for the weekend-but he can watch Claire. He loves kids.”

The offer was tempting.

“Okay,” Cas gave in with a defeated sigh. Dean grinned.

“How about tomorrow night? This time?”

“Yeah. I... I don’t usually have classes right now anyway.”

“Awesome,” Dean patted him on the back before asking, “Want a sandwich?”

“Don’t go overboard for me.”   
  


“That’s a yes. You vegan or anything?”

“Allergic to peanuts,” Cas mumbled.

“Got it,” Dean said, getting up again. Cas nursed his coffee, grimacing after every sip at the taste and still going back for more. Then again, he’d always hated black coffee. He just  _ really _ needed that caffeine. He had no idea how much longer it would take before Claire woke up, but he was getting a  _ break _ .

Cas let himself zone out as he stared into the dark brown of his coffee. He missed being able to talk with Claire, hearing her  _ laugh _ . He missed when he could take her to the park and be the cool dad for a while before Amelia would give her dinner and he’d make dessert. He missed when everything was that simple, the easy kisses between them, the light touches…

“Cas, bud, you good? I got your sandwich.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry,” Cas said. It looked good. It had fancy little toothpicks holding it together, sliced from corner to corner instead of in the middle. Cas took a bite, smiling a bit. He was pretty sure that if his arteries could grow legs, they’d be doing a little happy dance. A break from the Instant Noodles was always appreciated, so Cas cherished every bite. It was gone far too quickly, and Dean sat by him the entire time.

“I should head home,” Cas mumbled as he took the last drink of his coffee. He stood slowly, and Dean smiled warmly.

“Alright. This time tomorrow?”

“Unless Claire gets worse, yes,” Cas nodded.

“Is it cool if I hug you?”

“Huh?”

“Are hugs off-limits, or…?”

“No, hugs are fine. Hugs are- good, actually.”

“Awesome,” Dean pulled him in close, rubbing his back. “You’re strong, alright? You’re doing college  _ and _ being a single dad? That’s badass. You got this, Castiel. I’ll be here whenever you need a little break, but just… know that you’re doing amazing. The fact that you’re so worried shows how much you care. Things will get better, dude. The bad stuff doesn’t last forever.”

Cas sniffled a bit. He wasn’t expecting to be so emotional, but he figured it was a little too late to go back. He hugged Dean back tightly, burying his face into his shoulder and relishing the contact of someone who was his age and  _ not _ related to him. Dean kept rubbing his back comfortingly until Cas was composed enough to pull away with a weak smile.

  
“Thank you, Dean.”

“Of course, Castiel.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrigth! so i believe ive established a somewhat reasonable updating schedule. i have a bunch going on with life and all so generally speaking, ill try to upload on mondays, wednesdays, and saturdays. enjoy!

Claire was better the next day, which was a massive relief. She was still sniffling and whining about her sore throat, but she was back to being a functioning child. His few day classes were long and monotonous (then again, when  _ weren’t _ they) and Claire was happy enough when Gabe handed her back over so he could go back to doing… whatever he did. Castiel felt a little better after the coffee last night, and if he was being honest, he was actually looking forward to going back. That evening, he scooped Claire up and walked down to the bus stop with her, holding her hand and listening to her stories of what happened during her fever dreams. Castiel reacted in all of the appropriate places, dramatically gasping or smiling and nodding whenever he needed.

“Daddy?” She asked as Cas scanned his card and put the money in for her.

“Yes, muffin?”

“Where are we going?” She looked at him, her stuffed cat tucked securely under her arm. She took it  _ everywhere _ , the filthy bus apparently being no exception.

“We’re gonna go get some food,” he said with a soft smile, petting her hair. She lit up, hugging him tightly.

“At a- a-, um, res-tor-ant?”

Castiel laughed at her pronunciation. “At a cafe. They have coffee, and tea, and…” he trailed off with a grin, “Hot chocolate.”

“Hot chocolate!” She immediately exclaimed, hopping around excitedly. He still had no idea how she was happy enough over hot chocolate to  _ literally _ be jumping around like a little caricature of a child, but he missed her smile and the few times he got to see it. If hot chocolate made her happy, he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to get her any. He pulled on the yellow cord above the window, the bus making the announcement to make a stop. Cas winced when he thought about how dirty that cord probably was, wiping his hand on his jeans as Claire giggled.

  
“Did you get cooties?”

“Probably,” Cas huffed in disgust, still trying to wipe the skin off his hand onto his jeans. The bus came to a halt at their stop, and Cas thanked the bus driver before hopping off. He made sure Claire watched her step as she stepped onto the pavement, and watched as she stumbled momentarily before catching her footing. The walk to the coffee shop was only about a block, and the weather was nice, so he didn’t have any concerns about rushing. It seemed like it was about to rain but he doubted it would be happening that day. Claire pointed to things he would’ve missed and Cas commented on them accordingly. The walk was brief but pretty peaceful, and it wasn’t often that he could have a moment with Claire where she seemed genuinely happy. Cas opened the cafe door for her, laughing at one of her jokes as the bell chimed. Dean looked up from the counter.

“You actually came?”

“Well, yeah. It’s only fair after everything you did for me yesterday.”

“Awesome,” Dean grinned. “Is that Claire?”

“Yep,” Cas reciprocated his smile, looking over at Claire. She was hiding behind Cas, her arms wrapped around his thigh as she peeked out from behind his arm. “Claire, this is Dean. He’s a nice man.”

“Hi,” Claire greeted weakly, back to her usual demure self.

“Hi,” Dean smiled, “Anything I can get for you guys today?”

“Black coffee is good. And… that sandwich was nice. If that’s okay with you,” Cas said, “and a hot chocolate for her please.”

Claire stepped out upon learning that the stranger behind the counter could get her hot chocolate, looking at him hopefully. Dean beamed.

“Yeah, of course. Gimme a minute, you two sit down and get comfy. Claire, do you want a coloring book?”

“Coloring book? Yeah!” she lit up. Dean looked pleased with himself.

  
Cas absolutely did _not_ get butterflies in his stomach at that. He was a _grown_ _ass_ _man_.

“Alright, here you go,” Dean said after briefly disappearing behind the counter, handing her a coloring book and a pack of crayons. She beamed before burying her nose into the book, scribbling the cartoon dog on the first page a dark blue. Dean went back to make them their order, and Cas couldn’t help but smile a bit before going to watch his daughter color. He tried to help but Claire swatted his hand away and insisted she had it ‘down like Charlie Brown.’

Where she’d learned that was an enigma.

Castiel watched patiently as she colored the dog, giving it a bright green outline and muttering to herself whenever she accidentally colored over the spots. She added one of the little suns in the corner with sunglasses, and Cas noted it with a small smirk.

“What’s the puppy’s name?”

“Blue! Like from... Blue’s Clues!”

“Ah,” Cas nodded in understanding, “That’s nice.”

“Uh huh,” she grinned. Dean walked over with their drinks and Cas’ sandwich on a small tray, smiling warmly.

“That’s a pretty drawing,” he remarked as he set her little cup of hot chocolate in front of her.

“Uh huh! Thank you!” She grabbed the cup immediately, trying to blow through the little hole in the lid. Cas chucked to himself as he took his coffee, drinking it with a grimace.

“You still don’t like that, huh?” Dean teased.

“Shush,” Cas laughed, “I need my caffeine.”

Dean rolled his eyes playfully. “Am I really gonna watch you come in here every day and look disgusted at my coffee?”

“Probably.” 

Cas smiled softly, taking another sip and making a face. Claire laughed that time as she drank her hot chocolate.

“Why are you drinking it if it's gross?” she asked.

“It’ll wake me up,” Cas responded, taking a bite of his sandwich. “That is  _ still _ amazing.”

“I’m glad,” Dean patted him on the back. The butterflies returned and he mentally cursed them out. Castiel knew he was interested in guys too, but the timing was  _ not _ right. He was too stressed to even consider anything like that. He’d have to explain it to Claire,  _ and _ try to find time in his already too squished schedule to pursue a relationship. 

It was a terrible idea.

If only his brain could catch on to the damn message.

Cas’ sandwich was gone before he even realized it. Zoning out really passed the time. When he looked over, he saw that Dean had made Claire a grilled cheese too. Cas sipped the last of coffee, setting his empty mug on his plate and using a paper towel to wipe the table down.

“Alright. I’ll help clean up,” Cas stated once he was done tidying his section of the table up. Dean looked up.

“You don’t have to-”

“C’mon. You’re losing money. Please, at least, let me help clean?”

Dean hesitated. “Alright,” he sighed.

  
“Alright,” Cas smiled. “Claire, stay here. Daddy’s gonna clean, okay?”

She nodded. “Okay!” Claire said before burying herself back into her coloring book. Cas grabbed a washcloth and started wiping tables and chairs down, spraying them with disinfectant and making sure everything was clean. It was kind of peaceful, the task simple enough that Cas could zone out as he cleaned.

“That should be good. Thank you so much,” Dean smiled. Cas snapped out of his little trance, nodding politely and handing him the bottle and washcloth.

“Of course, it’s the least I could do. Uh… thank you for yesterday. It means a lot.”

“Yeah! You’re always welcome here, Cas. Claire too.”

“Thank you,” Cas repeated softly. Dean patted him on the shoulder, looking at him for a moment as if he wanted to say something. Cas looked back, waiting for his comment, but Dean simply smiled and flipped around to put everything away.

Was he blushing?

  
Cas brushed the thought off, he was seeing things. Whatever stupid crush he had going on was apparently messing with his vision. Dean started closing up in the back, and Cas dealt with Claire’s dishes when she was done eating. He stepped into the back area, which was pretty plain. There were some premade pastries and such under a glass container, just like the display case out front. There was a sink for the dishes, and the plates were stacked neatly. Of course, there were also the usual coffee brewers and ovens and such, but it was still nice. It was clean too, which was a relief. Not that Castiel was doubting the hygiene of the cafe, but it wasn’t often he stepped into the back area of a cafe.

“Oh, you don’t have to wash anything,” Dean quickly said, “The sink’s right over there. Charlie already went home for the day, it’s her anniversary. She usually does the dishes,” Dean explained. Cas nodded in understanding, setting the dishes in the sink. Dean smiled, walking over, “You guys can go home.”

“I’d like to help. Is there anything else I can do?”

Dean hesitated once more before giving in. “Could you dry everything I wash? Just put them into the cabinets, the organization is all labeled.”

“Alright,” Cas nodded, grabbing the towel and getting to work. They were a quick duo, and even though they were just drying dishes, they worked well together. It didn’t take long before Dean was drying his hands off and smiling warmly at Cas, taking his apron off and hanging it up. He was just wearing a plain grey t-shirt and jeans under it, but he looked nice.

In all fairness, Cas was also biased enough to believe that Dean would look good in a full clown suit, but his brain still felt the need to comment.

“Alright. I’m gonna head out,” Dean smiled.

“What about the coloring book? Do you need that back?” Cas asked.

“Nah, let her hold onto that. I wanna see what else she’s colored,” Dean grinned. “Let’s go.”

Cas nodded, smiling for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He had no idea what it was, but something about the brief coffee break really boosted his spirits. He helped Claire clean up before holding onto her book and crayons, grabbing her hand and stepping out. They walked alongside Dean in a comfortable silence that didn’t last long, since he was parked right out front.

“That’s your car?” Cas questioned with wide eyes. He wasn’t exactly expecting the owner of a cute little coffee shop to own an entire muscle car, but he had a feeling that Dean was more of a character than he’d previously expected. It was a sleek jet black, and probably older than Cas.

“Yep,” Dean responded with pure pride in his eyes, “This is my baby. A 1967 Impala.”

“Wow. I just… ride the bus.”

“I can drive you guys home if you want,” Dean began before pausing, “Wait, okay, that sounded creepy. I mean-”

“Of course, don’t sweat it. Claire, do you wanna ride in the cool car?”

“Yeah! Let’s go!” She sprinted over to the car with a look of fascination on her face. Cas smiled softly as Dean chuckled, unlocking the Impala. She clambered into the back, and Cas joined her. He made sure she buckled up before giving Dean the address. As soon as Dean turned his key in the ignition, Led Zeppelin blared through the speakers. Claire and Cas both jumped and Dean couldn’t help but laugh as he turned it down.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” he cackled.

“No you’re not,” Claire puffed, although she was grinning too. Cas couldn’t help but laugh along.

“That was rude!” he exclaimed. Dean only laughed harder as he started driving.

“Good music is  _ never _ rude,” Dean responded simply. Cas smiled.

  
Damn those butterflies.

“It’s rude right now,” Cas huffed, his smile easily countering his words. Dean rolled his eyes playfully. The ride to Gabriel’s house was pretty short, not that Cas minded. When they arrived, Cas helped Claire out before smiling at Dean.

“Thank you again, Dean. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Dean grinned, “See you tomorrow.”

And he drove off.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i decided to post early y'all are welcome <3

“So…” Gabe grinned as he canted his head to see Cas and Claire enter.

“We got coffee and food,” Cas answered simply. Gabe seemed unconvinced.

“No cute gal or guy at the coffee shop?” Gabriel asked. Cas groaned.

“Muffin, do you wanna color in your room?” Castiel questioned. Claire nodded, taking the coloring book from Cas and scurrying upstairs with it in her arms. Her bunny was draped over her shoulder, ears flapping as she took the stairs on all fours. Cas looked back at Gabriel.

“It’s… the coffee shop owner?”

“Do share,” Gabe smirked, patting the spot on the couch beside him. Cas sighed, sitting slowly.

“I feel like I’m into him but I just… don’t have the time for a relationship. And I’m pretty sure it’s one of those things where I end up attracted to the first person to show me kindness when I’m upset.”

“Jeez, Cassie,” Gabriel sighed. “So… that sounds like a problem.”

“No shit,” Cas mumbled, “What do I even do? Just… ignore it? I feel like a teen girl, Gabe. I’m getting butterflies in my damn stomach whenever he smiles at me.”

“You’re swooning, Cas,” Gabe grinned teasingly. “I mean… do you even know whether he’s straight or not?”

“No,” Cas fidgeted with his fingers, scraping the dirt out from under his fingernails. “I dunno. It’s stupid. I should just ignore it.”

“You’re terrible at ignoring feelings.”

“I know. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be telling you right now. And… on the off chance we somehow ended up together, what would I even say to Claire? ‘Oh, yeah, I replaced your mommy with a dude. Sorry about that.’”

“It’s not replacing, Cas. You’re allowed to move on. She’s been gone for a year now and you  _ just _ got back into school. The semester’s ending next month, just… give it a shot when you’re on break, Cas. If he says yes, make sure he knows how busy you’ll be and all.”

“I won’t be able to be there for him.”

“There’s no real way of knowing that if you don’t try, Cas. Try it, you owe it to yourself to try and move on.”

“I guess,” Cas sighed. “I’m gonna make her dinner. Do you still have that leftover spaghetti?”

“I left a serving for you and her.”

“So… 3 servings for her.”

“Cas,” Gabe implored, “You won’t see fifty if you keep eating like you do.”

“Can’t afford more, and she deserves better than what I have.”

“Eat the damn spaghetti or I’m hiding your laptop,” Gabe huffed.

“Gabriel, that’s unreasonable.”

“No, it isn’t. Go eat. Now.”

Cas sighed, “Fuck you.”

“Love you too.”

***

  
Cas ate the spaghetti with Claire, who seemed surprised he was even capable of eating anything besides cheap ramen. She was happier, though, clutching her bunny and talking about her new coloring book as she ate. Cas listened intently. He had no idea how children could make magic out of the most mundane things, but they always managed. She was a lot more observant than he was too, which was pretty handy when he’d “lose” his sunglasses while he was wearing them. He liked to think that he was getting better because of her, but he had a feeling that things were slowly getting… worse.

He was pushing 40, single and never married with the relationship experience of a 14 year old, and pretty much doomed to die single. He had gotten his first few grey hairs a few years prior, the salt and pepper really starting to spread over the past year, and his mind wasn’t exactly hopeful for him to start any new relationship. He didn’t really feel bad about the color of his hair, he just felt… old. 

That was also probably assisted by Claire regularly saying he was old, but that was a kid thing. 

It did, however, mean that his chances for any future romantic endeavours greatly dropped. It wasn’t like he was elderly, and he didn’t  _ feel _ like he was old, but societal standards and all of the other community excuses had drilled into his mind. He’d lost hope in a relationship. So maybe his mind did latch on to the thought that maybe Dean was single too. And maybe he wasn’t straight. And that maybe he was interested in Castiel. And maybe he wanted to take care of someone else’s kid.

Cas wasn’t a lucky guy.

His odds were lower than most.

Cas assumed that Dean was about his age, he was good with kids and nice to both of them, but that didn’t mean he was interested. Still, the small things he did left Cas’ traitorous mind wondering if it was possible. Sure, the chances were low, but… what if?

It was a stupid idea to entertain.

Cas had never been one to get his own hopes up when luck wasn’t on his side, but apparently his brain was making an exception for Dean. It was insane, he’d only seen the man  _ twice _ .

“Daddy?” Claire asked, snapping him out of his trance, “Why are you staring at the wall?”

“No reason, honey,” Cas sighed softly, finishing his final bite of lukewarm spaghetti and putting his fork into the bowl, “Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Adult things. How was your dinner?”

“Yummy,” Claire smiled cheerfully. She had spaghetti sauce splattered in her hair. Cas wasn’t sure when she was supposed to grow out of messy eating, but he was looking forward to that day.

“How about you go take a shower and get ready for bed?” Cas questioned as he pet her hair. She nodded, standing up and stretching out.

“Can you get my PJs, daddy?”

“Of course,” Cas stood at the same time she did. She skipped to her room, and Cas went through her closet. He picked out a soft, baby blue nightgown and placed it on the bathroom counter for when she got out. Claire squeaked when she turned the faucet and got blasted with freezing water, and Cas couldn’t help but snicker. She peeked out from behind the curtain just to scowl at him.

“When you’re done, I’ll brush your hair for you. Enjoy your shower.”

“Thank you, daddy,” she said before disappearing behind the curtain. Cas walked back downstairs, flopping down on the couch and grabbing his laptop.

He had a long night of papers ahead of him.

***

Cas somehow finished his assignments right as the clock struck 4:29 AM. He was already awake and doubted he’d be able to sleep, so he gave in to the all nighter. His head was aching badly from staring at his screen in the dark, but it was nothing new. He just popped a Tylenol and cupped some water from the kitchen sink into his hands, drinking and soaking the collar of his shirt. He flopped back onto the couch, looking at his phone. He kind of wished he had Dean’s number. He made his most impulsive decisions when he was half asleep, and texting Dean at 4 in the morning could probably count as something pretty impulsive.

  
Alas, he was too much of a wimp to ask for his number.

Cas was never a social butterfly, anyway. He doubted he’d ever grow the balls to do something simple like that. Self doubt was a  _ bitch _ .

“You’re still all… brooding,” Gabe said, snapping him out of his thoughts, “Broody?”

“Broody, yeah,” Cas sighed. “Just… thinking. What are you doing awake?”

“Had to get water. You’re still up,” Gabe yawned. “Thinking about your coffee shop owner?”

“He’s not  _ my _ coffee shop owner,” Cas mumbled, “But yes.”

“This is really eating you up inside, huh?”

“I’m bad at hiding things! I just… need to find out if he’s into guys, for starters.”

“Ask tomorrow. Small talk can go a long way, Cassie.”

“I guess,” Cas sighed, sitting back and rubbing his eyes.

“Sleep. You need it.”

“I’ll only have 4 hours at most.”

“4 hours is better than nothing. Sleep, out of my living room,” Gabriel grinned. Cas slowly stood with his laptop.

“Thanks, Gabe. G’night.”

“Good night.”

***

“Mr. Novak, I understand that you’re under a lot of stress but you can’t keep sleeping in my lecture.”

Castiel looked up at his political science professor, Dr. Uriel who’d been on his ass since day 1. Cas liked to believe he was trying to be understanding, but the smug look in his dark eyes belied any understanding words he tried to use.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t get much sleep last night, I’ll be more careful in the future.”

“You need to. If you keep falling asleep, I’ll have to drop your grade.”

Cas gritted his teeth, nodding grimly. “Got it. I’m sorry. I have to get home to my daughter, now.” Dr. Uriel had been on him for about five minutes already and he just wanted to pick Claire up and go to the cafe. He missed Dean sorely, as stupid as it felt.

“You’re free to go,” Uriel finally said. Castiel sagged in relief before rushing out and to the bus. The ride was about 10 minutes, and he just stood and stared out of the window the entire time. He pulled the yellow wire, hopped off, drowned himself in hand sanitizer and went inside.

“Claire? Cafe time!” Cas called from downstairs. He waited with a small smile as he heard something falling. It wasn’t long before the signature thumping of Claire rushing down the stairs drowned out most other noise, her bunny tucked securely under one arm and coloring book under the other.

“Hot chocolate!” She beamed. Cas nodded, taking her hand.

“Yep, hot chocolate. Let’s get onto the bus, alright?”

“Alright!” Claire beamed before dragging him outside.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update: take 2. im so sorry i published the same chapter i did not sleep  
> Up-update: best-Guesses refuses to go to sleep

The ride to the cafe was mostly uneventful, other than Claire tripping and skinning her knee as she climbed the stairs onto the bus. Other than a few sniffles from the pain, she was just fine and Cas figured that tending to it could wait for a few more moments. When they got off, Cas led her to the shop. The walk was, once again, brief. Dark clouds loomed overhead and Cas had a feeling it’d be raining that next day. Claire hated thunderstorms, so he just prayed that they’d be spared from any lightning. The familiar chime of the bell greeted them as Cas pushed one of the glass doors aside for Claire to step into the cafe.

Dean stood behind the counter, taking someone’s order with a friendly smile. Beside him was a tall man with floppy hair, writing something down in a notepad before disappearing into the back area. The shop was mostly empty, as Cas usually remembered, and the random customer took their seat in the corner of the shop. Dean looked at the register for a moment, punching something into the keys and perking up when he noticed Cas and Claire.

“Hey, sit down,” Dean said before flipping around, “Sammy! When you’re done with that order, Claire and Castiel are here!” he called into the back area.

“It’s Sam!” A voice responded from the back area, presumably the man with long hair. Cas chuckled.

“Siblings?”

“Yep. I have him beat by 4 years,” he grinned proudly.

“How old are you anyway?” Cas asked.

“34.”

“So I have you beat by 3 years,” Cas smiled.

“37?” he asked. Castiel nodded and Dean chuckled. “I guess you do. Same order as usual?”

“Yep,” Cas replied. Sam stepped out from the back area, wearing an apron that matched Dean’s. He had a towel draped over his hands and a wide smile on his face. Claire sat in her usual spot and got to work with coloring.

“What else have you colored, Claire?” Dean prompted. Claire lifted the book, flipping through messily scribbled pages. Dean lit up when he saw them, looking at each drawing with a wide smile.

“You should be an artist when you grow up,” Sam commented from the side, peering over Dean’s shoulder to see the book. Claire shook her head.

“I wanna be a… doctor!” She said with a grin. “An animal doctor. Veterinarian.”

“A vet?” Dean asked with a cocked brow and twin grin to hers. “That’s impressive. You like animals?”

“Yes!” Claire beamed, hugging her bunny closer to her chest. “I love animals.”

“She’s been on it for a few years now. She wants to help all of the animals feel better,” he pet her hair, kissing the top of her head lovingly.

“Daddy! No!” Claire huffed, going pink. Cas laughed as Sam brought their usual order. He figured that Dean had shared it with him. Sam sat by Claire and started chatting with her about her drawings, leaving Dean and Cas to themselves. 

Cas sipped his coffee, taking a moment to examine Dean. He was a little shorter than Sam, but definitely taller than Cas. His eyes were a light green- more peridot than emerald. They suited him well. Quite frankly, he was unfairly gorgeous. Who the hell looked like  _ that _ and didn’t get into modeling?

Dean, apparently.

“So… it’s nice that you own a shop. And that you helped me,” Cas said, breaking the unsure silence between them. From Dean’s flushed cheeks, Cas assumed that Dean was sizing him up the same way he’d done.

“Of course,” Dean grinned, “I can always take the time out of my day for sad, pretty strangers,” he recovered smoothly, confirming Cas’ suspicions.

Cas went pink, clearing his throat. “Oh, thanks,” he smiled softly. Dean took a few moments before realizing what he had just said, his cheeks reddening. It was at least nice to know that he got flustered just about as easily as Cas had.

“I’m really sorry-”

“It’s fine!” Cas laughed, “I appreciate the ego boost. I don’t get compliments often.”

“ _ What _ ?” Dean asked incredulously, “Dude, you’re really hot. You have the whole… DILF thing going on.”

“DILF?” Cas teased with a grin. Dean only went redder.

“Not like that- I mean… like that? You \- you’re attractive,” Dean attempted to redeem himself. Cas only smirked wider as he kept rambling.

“Claire, muffin, can I borrow a crayon?” Cas asked, effectively cutting Dean off. Claire didn’t respond, instead simply handing him a dark blue crayon. Cas took the crayon to his napkin, crudely writing his number. The napkin tore as he strained the wax against the weak paper, but at least it was somewhat legible. Cas slid it to Dean.

“What is this?”

“My number,” Cas responded. Sam smirked from where he sat by Claire.

“Your number?” Dean gawked at the napkin like it had fed his entire family.

“Yep,” Cas laughed, “If you’d like to text at any time, go ahead.”

“I- thank you,” Dean beamed, adding Cas to his contacts and texting him a smiley face.

_ Thank you for calling me a dilf. Did a lot for my ego _ , Cas texted. Dean went bright red, looking down at his screen with a tiny smile.

_ Anytime, Castiel _

Cas looked up at Dean, grinning wider.

He could get used to that.

***

Cas and Claire finished their nightly usual quickly. Cas helped Dean clean up, shooting him soft smiles whenever he got the chance. Dean would always smile back, and the butterflies would take flight in Cas’ stomach, fluttering around and turning his thoughts into a blurry mess. Cas was snapped out of his school girl-esque romantic thoughts when Claire started whining about being tired. Castiel chugged the last sip of his coffee before packing up.

“Hey!” Dean called cordially, “Wanna take another ride in Baby?” he waggled his eyebrows.

Of course Cas had to have a crush on a massive dork.

He still wasn’t about to decline a few extra minutes with him.

Sam sat shotgun as Cas and Claire piled into the back once more. Dean turned the key in the ignition and just like the previous day, his loud Led Zeppelin sliced a few years off of everyone’s lifespan. Who even listened to music that loud?!

“You’re gonna be deaf by next year!” Cas scoffed as Dean turned the music down with a wide smirk.

“My hearing will be going out in style,” Dean countered.

“You’re an idiot, Dean,” Sam huffed from the side, “My heart is  _ pounding _ because of you.”

“That’s what you get for not expecting this,” he responded. Cas laughed fondly, he had only known Dean for a few days but he was endearing enough that it felt like Cas had known him for a lifetime. Dean smiled wider at Cas’ laughter. The drive back was filled with lively chatter between everyone, excluding Claire who was too busy scribbling in her coloring book to talk. When Dean dropped them off, Cas waved once more.

“Don’t forget the napkin!” Cas called from Sam’s rolled down window.

“I wouldn’t in a million years,” Dean winked before rolling the window back up and driving off. Cas watched the Impala leave for a few moments longer than necessary. 

“Daddy? I’m cold,” Claire announced. Cas snapped out of his trance.

“Sorry, muffin.”

He led Claire inside once again, watching with a small chuckle to himself as she scrambled upstairs, her bunny’s ears flapping behind her and her book pressed securely against her chest. She _ really _ loved that coloring book. Gabe was grinning from his spot on the couch, remote resting in the palm of his hand.

“You look happy,” Gabriel commented.

“I gave him my number.”

“Seriously? You actually did it?”

“Yep,” Cas flopped beside him and texted Dean.

  1. _Thank you for that coloring book, by the way. Claire loves it_.



  1. _Ofc. Lmk when she’s done so I can get her another._



Cas showed Gabriel the screen as proof. Gabe immediately ruffled his hair with a proud smile.

“My baby bro’s gonna get a boyfriend!” he cackled.

“I regret telling you now,” Cas chuckled, whacking his arm teasingly. Gabriel looked at the previous messages between them.

“He… he called you a DILF?” Gabriel asked.

“That’s beside the point!” Cas went red, snatching his phone. “I hate you.”

“Love you too, Cas.”

***

Thunder crashed down at around 3 AM, and it was no surprise to Castiiel to find Claire standing at his doorway with red rimmed eyes and her lower lip sticking out. Her bunny hung loosely from her left hand, her right raised to knock on the wall to wake him up.

“Thunder?” Cas asked drowsily, squinting in the dark. She nodded, the mess of blonde hair atop her head bouncing with her movement. Cas patted the empty space on the bed beside him where Amelia once lay, and she immediately crawled over. 

When they were still a family, Claire would lay between them and they’d both cuddle her close, whispering quietly to each other when Claire was asleep. They’d always discuss whatever came to mind, conversation coming as easy as breathing. For a year, her side of the bed was cold other than the occasional nights where Claire needed comfort. Cas really,  _ really  _ missed sharing his bed with another warm body.

“Thank you, daddy,” Claire said quietly as she nuzzled up to him, burying her face into his side. Cas wrapped a comforting arm around her, grabbing her hand.

“Of course, muffin. Get some sleep,” he kissed the top of her head once more. Claire leaned into the touch, her bunny pressed between them as she pulled Cas in for a hug. Castiel smiled, “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Claire mumbled before giving in to sleep.

_ “Is she asleep?” Amelia asked in a hushed tone, her blonde hair shining subtly in the moonlight. Cas looked down, slowly as to not wake Claire. _

_ “Yeah. She’s out,” he responded, carding his fingers through Claire’s hair, sweaty from her fever. She’d been miserable all day with a bad cold, her new plush bunny held close to her chest. _

_ “Good. I was worried she wouldn’t be sleeping,” Amelia sighed, “How was your day?” _

He missed the easy questions and answers shared in the dark of night.

_ “Boring. You know, the usual,” he tucked an errant strand of hair out of Amelia’s face and behind her ear. She smiled softly, lightly grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers. _

_ “I remember how excited you were to work at that radio station. Not all you hoped for, huh?” she laughed. _

_ “God, if I knew I was just gonna be selling ads…” Castiel trailed off with a fond expression, “What about you? How was your day?” _

_ “Claire was upset. I still can’t find a new job,” she sighed, “Poor kid. I tried to keep her in bed, but she kept getting up to use the bathroom or get water. I think she just wanted out of bed.” _

_ “Probably. I’m sorry I’m not here more often.” _

_ “It’s fine, Cas,” she pressed a tender kiss to his knuckles, “Get some rest, okay?” _

_ “I will. Thank you, darling,” he said softly before shutting his eyes. _

_ “Good night, love,” she replied _

_ “Good night.” _

Sleep came quickly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! its been a minute and im SO sorry for the late update. pretty much:  
> i got admitted to a psych ward! my mental health is terrible and im really sorry but they do NOT let you have internet there so i could make no progress on this. blm came up and i didn't feel it was appropriate to post, and i was also busy trying to spread information myself. this chapter is currently partially unbeta'd because i wanted to crank it out ASAP.  
> it'll probably be a while before i can post more chapters and i'm really sorry about that but i just need some time. hopefully i can get back to a normal updating schedule soon. thank you guys!  
> tl;dr: mental health bad, went to a psych ward so i couldn't update (im really sorry :( ), blm!

Castiel’s day could  _ not _ be going worse.

It rained well into morning, and he was abruptly awoken by Claire tumbling off the bed and hitting her head on the corner of his nightstand. She sobbed and there was so much blood involved that Cas started crying too. Gabe had to force Cas to snap out of his panic to rush her to the ER. She only needed two stitches and cried the entire time while Gabe stayed at home to clean up the blood. At least Claire got a lollipop and he got cheap coffee that could be more accurately described as mud than an actual beverage.

Whatever, coffee was coffee.

Cas was about 15 minutes late to his first lecture of the day. Barging in while wearing PJs and splattered in a light amount of blood was, apparently, not an appropriate look for class. At least some girl offered her sweater to him. Sure, said sweater was about 8 sizes too small, bright green, and covered in Wizard of Oz, Harry Potter, and Star Wars patches (and he was pretty sure he busted the zipper,) but at least the professor allowed him to take a seat far in the back of the hall. He set his binder out in front of him, flipping to the section for his class and scrambling to get notes of what he’d missed from everyone else.

Who the  _ fuck _ covered so much informatioin so early in the lecture?

One sore wrist and two strained eyes later, Castiel was finally caught up enough to pay attention and actually learn something meaningful. They had their midterms soon, yadda yadda, and class was over. He only learned class was over when the same girl from earlier shook him awake, and Cas was greeted immediately by red hair in his face and a professor scowling at him from across the hall.

“Tough day?” she asked sympathetically. Cas nodded, wiping the sleep from his eyes as he stood. His notes were smeared toward the bottom from his drool.

Gross.

“Way too much way too soon,” Cas said, shrugging her sweater off and handing it back. “I may have broken the zipper.”

“It’s all good,” she laughed, “It’s been getting jammed a lot recently, I think it was on its way out. How about we head out? Pick up something to eat?”

Cas paused before going red, “I’m flattered, b -”

The girl cackled, “Woah! Slow it down, cowboy. I’m gay. I meant it as a friend thing. My friend owns this cute cafe on the corner of H-”

“Honey and vanilla?” Cas cut her off prematurely. She lit up.

“Yeah! Dean- he’s my friend, we go way back.”

Cas blinked, “You go way back?”

“Hell yeah. Dead parent gang, and he’s a flaming nerd. Just like me.”

“Huh,” Cas smiled, “I’ve only known him for a few days. He seems sweet.”

“He is. Heart of gold, dumb of ass. I handled the finances for a while and I was in charge of most of the interior design. His brother took over both, now I just do advertising.”

“Jeez. How old are you, anyway?”

“34,” Charlie grinned, “I didn’t like being the old lady in my classes, and you look like you’re somewhere around my age.”

“Yep,” Cas nodded, “Well, I’m definitely up to go to that shop if you still are.”

“Definitely, c’mon!” she smiled, grabbing his wrist and dragging him out of the room.

  
***

Dean was surprised to see Castiel so early, if his face was any indication. His eyes widened as Charlie pushed him inside, his gaze warming when he saw who Cas was with. Castiel just laughed sheepishly as he made his way to the counter.

“She caught me between classes,” Cas explained.

“Ah. Makes sense, Charlie can bend anyone to her will.”

“Hell yeah I can!” she cackled from behind them. Dean glanced down at Cas’ shirt, his eyes widening momentarily.

“Is that blood?”

“Claire hit her head this morning,” Cas explained.

“Is she okay?”

“She only needed a few stitches. I’ll check on her after this.”

Dean held a finger up to signal for him to wait, grabbing a paper to go bag. The design on the front was the logo of Dean’s shop in a pastel blue. He put a rainbow frosted donut in it, handing it to Cas, “For Claire. On me, I made it specifically for her.”

“Dean…” Cas smiled, “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Dean patted him on the shoulder, “So, your usual coffee?”

“Add a creamer.”

“Ooh, we’re getting fancy,” Dean teased. Cas laughed.

“Mixing it up today,” Castitel hummed.

“Good choice,” Dean responded, stepping into the back area without bothering to take Charlie’s order. Cas assumed he knew it well enough to not need to ask.

“C’mon, let’s sit down!” Charlie grabbed his wrist, pulling him to a booth. Castiel stumbled before taking his seat across from her. She glanced momentarily at Dean before waggling her eyebrows at him.

“There’s chemistry there. I can smell it,” Charlie announced as she sipped her drink. Cas couldn’t identify what it was, but it had a lot of whipped cream on top and looked concerningly sugary.

“He insinuated he wanted to have sex with me yesterday, so I’d hope so.”

“He  _ what _ ?” she choked on her whipped cream.

“It wasn’t intentional, it was just a pretty funny slip. I did give him my number, though.”

“You guys  _ need _ to go on a date. I’ll pay if I have to.”

Cas laughed, “Is he even..?”

“Flaming bisexual,” Charlie leaned in, “And you’re definitely his type.”

“I am?”

“Yep!” she popped the p at the end, glancing over as Dean reappeared from behind the counter and brought them their drinks.

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel took his coffee with a smile. Dean nodded, shooting him a quick wink. Charlie caught on, practically shaking in her seat with excitement. Cas winked back, shooting him a smirk and watching as Dean’s gaze flickered into something… different. It was a good difference, but unexpected. He sauntered back behind the counter, settling in his usual bow legged stance and letting his eyes linger on Cas for a moment longer than necessary. Maybe Cas purposely licked his lips, just for a reaction. He definitely caught on to Dean’s wide eyed stare for about 2 seconds before he looked away inconspicuously.

“That…” Charlie began, looking at Dean and back at Cas, “Was the gayest interaction I’ve ever seen, I think. And I’ve had sex with women.”

  
Cas snorted, “Does that count as flirting?”

“Sure felt like it. If he doesn’t ask you out tonight, you ask him out. Take the initiative!”

“I might,” Castiel said, looking over at Dean one last time. Their eyes met for a moment and Cas felt the familiar fluttering in his stomach, unable to stop himself from smiling like a fool. Dean laughed from across the room, and Cas wished he could hear it but he was just a little too far. Cas looked back at Charlie, trying not to be impolite by completely disregarding her. She was, somehow, smirking wider than before.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone give Dean heart eyes like that before. Castiel, buddy, you are  _ swooning _ ,” she hummed.

“That’s what my brother said too,” he huffed, “I mean… how do I explain it to my daughter? I don’t want her to feel like I’m replacing her mom.”

“What happened to her mom?”

“She passed a year ago,” Cas tapped his foot under the table, “And Claire hasn’t been quite the same since. I want her to have a normal childhood but I don’t want her to think I’m replacing her mom as soon as I can.”

“I’m sure she won’t. It’s been a year!”

“Still…” he trailed off with a heavy sigh, “I dunno.”

  
“It’s worth a shot. Go for it, tiger,” Charlie smiled encouragingly. Cas wasn’t sure what else to do but nod, drinking his coffee that he’d disregarded the entire time. It was lukewarm at that point, but he didn’t mind. At least it tasted better with the creamer.

“I’ll try,” Cas said, and with one final glance at Dean, he chugged his coffee. He wiped the excess that began to drip down from the corners of his mouth with his sleeve before standing. Charlie was already finished with her (what Cas assumed to be a) frappuccino, tossing her own plastic cup in the trash. Cas did the same, waving to Dean.

“Bye, Cas!” Dean called from behind the counter.

“Bye, Dean. I’ll see you tonight!” he responded before stepping out with Charlie. She turned on her heels, her hair blown by the wind. The rain had stopped momentarily, but the pavement was still slick.

“I’ll give you a ride if you promise to make a move tonight.”

“Deal,” Cas nodded, following her back to her car. It was bright yellow, which normally would have been pretty shocking, but just fit Charlie perfectly. For someone with such a bright personality, it only seemed fitting that her car matched. He sat in the passenger seat, giving her the address. He was surprised Gabe had no complaints about all the people he was giving his address out to, but he was glad that he could get rides. The bus was filthy at best and unbearable at worst. It was a plus that she wasn’t blaring music loud enough to make his heart fly out of his chest, too, although Dean’s eardrum blasting habits were becoming a little endearing. Charlie hummed along to the radio as she drove him back. Upon realizing she had to parallel park, she let out a groan and parked crooked, hopping out with him.

“Alright, Novak. You better ask him out,” she ruffled his hair. Cas swatted her hand away, laughing lightly.

“Will do,” he said. He flipped around, waving to her one final time before walking to his next lecture.

***

Castiel very quickly discovered that nervous sweat was a curse. The entire bus ride to the cafe, he got weird looks and Claire even loudly declared that he was “very stinky,” which only served to further mortify him. He wasn’t good at asking people out but he also  _ really _ desperately wanted to, so he soldiered on. When he entered the cafe, Claire met with Sam as she usually did and Cas ordered his coffee with two creamers. Dean looked at him with a raised brow.

“You look stressed, big test tomorrow?”

“Not quite,” Cas responded weakly. Dean went to make his coffee, still peering out from the back door.

“What is it, then?” he asked, a hand resting on the edge of the doorway as he leaned over.

“Just… a thing. Don’t let the coffee overflow,” he chuckled. Dean smiled reassuringly before disappearing behind the counter. He looked at Claire only to find Sam staring straight at him,

“He’ll say yes,” Sam deadpanned.

“Huh?”

“Dean. You’re going to ask him out, right?”

“How do you know that?” he asked, more confused than accusing.

“You were already shuffling a lot when you came in, it got worse when you talked to Dean. It’s not an assignment or test freaking you out and Claire is fine, so you’re probably asking Dean out,” Sam stated. Cas looked down at himself. He’d been tapping his foot and playing with a frayed string from his shirt.

“Oh,” he responded weakly, “I- yeah- thanks.”

Dean chose that moment to step out, smiling and bouncing as he walked. He gave Claire her hot chocolate before gingerly placing Cas’ coffee in front of him. There was some sort of latte art writing sitting on top.

“T.. TA5?” Cas asked. Dean leaned over to read his art, cursing to himself.

“This is why I don’t do latte art,” he said, “Anyway, what were you gonna tell me?”

“Yeah- uh- I was just wondering…” Cas cleared his throat, his face heating up, “I was wondering if you wanted to… maybe get dinner sometime? Like- in a- in a y’know… date way.”

Dean smiled, “Cas, can I be honest with you really quick?”

“Yeah,” Cas said weakly. Dean was about to let him down gently and he was  _ not _ excited for that, but he wasn’t sure why he was even suspecting another outcome.

“Your drink was s’posed to say yes. I could hear you and Sammy talking, my clever little thing got destroyed so I kinda put you on the spot there, sorry. That’s a yes.”

Cas starred at Dean with wide eyes before looking at the sad latte art. It looked nothing like a yes and he couldn’t help but let out a snort before breaking out into a fit of giggles.

“Hey! I tried!” Dean laughed along with him. Cas kept cackling.

“Dean- I have to admit, that’s adorable, but-” he broke off into another fit of laughter. Dean swatted at his arm.

“You’re an ass!” Dean said.

“Ass?” Claire asked from the side. Cas only laughed harder, doubling over and grabbing his stomach. Dean was about on an equal level of losing his shit, wheezing to the side as Sam watched, thoroughly bemused.

“No! Oh my god-” he wiped his eyes, “Bad word, Claire.”

“Oh, sorry,” she said, “You’re getting dinner? Can I get some?”

Cas smiled, “I can bring you something, but it’s going to be an adult thing.”

She pouted but seemed satisfied at the promise of food, going back to her book. Cas looked back at Dean, who was wiping his eyes with a wide grin.

“So… would Sunday at 7:00 work for you?” Cas asked.

“Absolutely,” Dean grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please remember that black lives matter! sign petitions, donate if you can!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCgLa25fDHM watch this video to donate to blm without spending any money! keep adblocker off, don't mute the video client, and play 3 to five random videos between each playthrough so the algorithm doesn't think you're spamming  
> thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! im so sorry about the chap delay but there has been a l o t going on. hopefully ill get the date scene up sometime within the next two weeks before my drawing tablet comes in and i forget i have a wip that i should probably update. y'all are troopers for putting up with me, tysm guys! hope you enjoy a little bit of angst

Castiel was still somewhat gobsmacked that Dean actually agreed to an honest to God  _ date _ , but he didn't mention it as he buckled up in Dean’s car. When Dean’s music suddenly blared, Cas didn’t even flinch. Claire was similarly unaffected, but Dean still turned it down just to be polite. He hummed along to the song on the radio, nodding to the beat. Cas stared out the window until he felt a sudden warm touch on his knee, flipping around.

“Is this okay?” Dean asked, glancing over at him before redirecting his gaze to the road. Cas didn’t answer but put his hand on top of Dean’s, squeezing softly. His hands were calloused and rough, a stark contrast from what Cas would have expected, but his touch was still gentle. When Dean flipped his hand over to intertwine his fingers with Cas’, he didn’t comment. The rest of the ride back went similarly to how it usually did, Dean’s humming and their goodbyes as Cas helped Claire out of the car. He missed Dean’s touch already but he had early classes and he knew he’d desperately need the sleep.

“Bye, guys!” Dean smiled. Cas rested his hand on Claire’s shoulder as he waved.

“See you soon, Dean!”

Cas stood there for much longer than necessary, watching as Dean drove off and took a turn at the end of the block. It took him a few moments and a tug of his sleeve from Claire to remember that he had to actually go inside. She immediately retreated to her room and Cas flopped on the couch, reaching weakly for his laptop. The thing was cheap, missing a key (pressing down on that damn sensor was a  _ bitch _ ) and half the time it took at least 4 attempts to turn on, but Cas was broke and he couldn’t exactly afford to spend money on a new one. Besides, he still got his work done.

He opened up the document to his latest assignment, reading through it. It took no time at all for his eyes to glaze over as he skimmed through what felt like countless pages. The wall of words was too easy to lose focus on, and his mind drifted to the date.

Where would they go?

What would they do?

What would he wear?

Who would watch Claire?

He was excited, of course, but there was that little bitt of self doubt that always hung over him. 

What if Dean changed his mind?

What if he fucked it up?

Cas knew that negative thoughts wouldn’t do him any good, but he just couldn’t seem to help them. He had no money, he was still in school, his only real long-term girlfriend was dead…

Oh, yeah.

That was gonna be an issue.

Cas had tried to date after Amelia, but every time he got into a car with someone he considered a lover…

With his overall morale at a new low, he tried to zone back in. The wall of words looked a lot more appealing after that, and as bored as he was, he preferred the boredom over those memories. The first week after she passed was  _ hell _ , and he knew he couldn’t handle that again. If it hadn’t been for her, he wouldn’t even be back in school. He wouldn’t have met Dean.

_ Words _ , Cas reminded himself,  _ Focus on the assignment. _

Easier said than done.

Cas worked on a half-assed paper as he thought about Amelia and Claire. Claire was the most important thing to him; she took priority over everything. Could Dean accept that? He’d been turned down by numerous people once they’d found out he was a father and was pushing 40. Everyone else his age had a white picket fence and a happy family of 4.

He still had the engagement ring.

He hadn’t forgot about it, and he subconsciously lifted his hand to his pinkie. The ring was tight on him, Amelia had always had much smaller hands than he did, but he didn’t feel right leaving it. If he’d had the chance, he’d have buried her with it, but her few in-tact organs were donated and all he had left of her was a small urn on his dresser. He still took the time to sit by it when he was having an especially bad night, he liked to believe that she was maybe there in spirit.

Castiel was never particularly religious. He was born and raised by devout Catholics, but he’d never really seen the appeal. Still, if heaven was real, he knew Amelia was there.

When he found out she passed, he’d been wrecked. The phone call was unexpected, Cas was watching a movie with Claire as they waited for her to get back from the grocery store.

He was numb.

Telling Claire was what got him. The way it took her so long to realize she wouldn’t be seeing her mother again-

He had to stay strong. He’d held her as she cried, barely staying composed himself. That night in bed, he hadn’t slept. He didn’t cry for another 3 days with no food and only a few drinks of water that he’d taken upon Claire’s insistence. When he finally broke was when he got her ashes, and everything was so  _ real _ . One day, they’d been a happy family. Sure, money was a little tight, but they got by. And then, he and Claire only had each other.

Cas had lost his job shortly after, his attendance and overall performance dropping. He’d spent numerous nights with a bottle of particularly strong vodka. He wasn’t a drinker, but he was able to sleep after a few swigs.

Those had been the worst days.

When Cas lost their apartment was when things went terribly. Claire stayed at Amelia’s parent’s home and Cas stayed on the streets. Gabe had found him, alone and living out of his storage shed where their furniture and belongings remained. All Cas had on him was the urn and ring, his phone discarded.

  
Amelia’s loss was truly hell.

He carded unsteady fingers through his hair as he sat back, itching for the familiar burn of the alcohol. He missed feeling hazy and not having to worry about stupid things.

_ Wall of words _ , Cas thought, focusing back on his assignment. He typed mindlessly, hardly focusing on what he was writing. He vaguely noticed the red squiggly lines under most of the words- he wasn’t good with keyboard muscle memory- but kept going. He figured the editing could just be an issue for future Cas.

Time passed quickly, Cas zoning out entirely as he typed out half of the first draft for his assignment. He sighed, sitting back and digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. His laptop almost slipped out of his lap, but he hardly reacted other than a cursory swipe to grab the screen, fumbling but managing to close it and set it down safely. He took a shaky breath, fidgeting with the ring on his finger.

He resisted the urge to get a drink.

As distracting as the monotone black and white of his document had been, it didn’t do much to help him when he wasn’t working. With that thought, he made his way to his room and began to dig through his closet. He needed to keep busy; he couldn’t let his mind wander.

His fingers brushed over various sweaters and coats, a few button ups in the front and his few t shirts in the back for when he wanted to sleep. He really had no idea what to wear, so he settled for just a plain white button up and slacks. He tried them on, looking at himself in the mirror. He had bags under his eyes, his shoulders slumped and hair a mess. He sighed, unbuttoning the top two buttons of his shirt, hoping it’d at least do  _ something _ for him. People had said they liked his messy hair, and he sighed as he still failed to see the appeal.

He was pushing 40, and there were greys starting to come in. He wasn’t excited for the salt and pepper thing, but he also didn’t want to take the time to dye it. He had no idea what to do for the dark circles around his eyes, however. Maybe he could buy a cheap bottle of concealer to look at least somewhat presentable.

God, makeup was  _ not _ his thing. He had a feeling it’d go horribly, but he didn’t feel like he had much choice. He slipped his outfit off, folding it neatly so it’d be prepared for he and Dean’s date. 

It had to be perfect.

  
With that thought in mind and his PJs hanging loosely off his body, he walked back downstairs and flopped onto the couch, reopening his laptop. He sighed, briefly reading over the assignment instructions and finding solace in the monotone of the wall of words.

His mind drifted.

***

  
Saturday came much quicker than Cas had expected. He fidgeted through all of his classes, bouncing a leg or absentmindedly tapping his fingernails on his desk, much to the dismay of everyone in a 4 seat radius. Still, he made it through without getting socked in the face, and he considered that a victory. When he got home, he immediately went to spend some time with Claire. He’d spent so much time occupying himself with assignments that he actually had free time.

“Daddy!” Claire beamed, reaching her little arms up for a hug. Cas immediately pulled her in. He knew they needed to spend more time together, he just needed to actually find that time more regularly. He squeezed into one of her tiny chairs, the cheap metal creaking in protest as he practically held his knees to his chest. Claire showed him the pages of her coloring book. Nearly every page was filled with colorful scribbles of the drawings, most of which completely out of the lines.

“Do you see this one?” She asked excitedly, pointing to a drawing outside of the coloring box.

“I do,” Cas said. It was a messy drawing of 4 stick figures, the crayon wax mixing the colors and making it harder to see what was what.

“That’s Sam,” she pointed to the tallest, “Then Dean. Then it’s you and me!” She beamed, individually pointing out everyone’s stick figures. Upon closer inspection, Cas saw a few identifying features. Freckles were dotted messily over Dean’s face. Cas kind of thought he had numerous eyes at first. Sam had long hair that went down to his forearms. Cas had purple spots around his eyes and scribbled black crayon on top of his head for his hair. Claire’s stick figure was mostly yellow to show her hair color. Cas smiled.

“It’s perfect,” he said, resting a hand on her back. She smiled wider before continuing to flip through the pages. Cas thought of her drawing.

The idea of them being a family was… enticing, to say the least.

Maybe it was Cas’ urge to have somewhere to belong. His constant need to not be alone. He wanted someone else Claire could go home to, to show her drawings and tell stories about the adventures she and her bunny had gone on. Sure, she had Gabriel, but he needed something more permanent. Besides, Gabriel was far too willing to give her concerning amounts of sleep. Watching his child bounce off the walls (quite literally) as he’d been trying to put her to bed had become commonplace. He wanted help; he desperately needed it.

“Daddy?” Claire asked. Cas looked at her.

“Yeah, muffin?” he smiled, petting her hair.

“You’re going to see Dean, right?” She asked. When Cas nodded, she continued, “I think he’s nice. He gives us food and makes you smile. You should smile more,” she huffed, hugging him tight. Cas sighed, hugging her back.

“I’m trying,” Cas said weakly. Claire pulled away after a long moment, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Go see him!” She insisted. Cas laughed lightly, checking the time on his phone. It was about time he’d prepare for the date. With that thought, he kissed her on the forehead and let Gabe know what was happening on the walk to his room. Gabe shot him a thumbs up, and Cas went to his room, confident that Gabe would not get Claire killed. 

He put his outfit back on and messily applied the dollar store concealer that was maybe just a shade too bright, but whatever. He was depending on dim lighting anyway. After swiping a hand through his hair and ruffling it how he liked, he slipped his jacket on and headed out. He got a few looks while he was on the bus to Dean’s cafe, but he didn’t mind. For once, he actually felt kind of good. He pulled the yellow cord and hopped off at his stop, crossing the road carefully.

He’d gotten constant confirmation that Dean was into him, that Dean  _ wanted _ to go out with him, but he still couldn’t fully shake the inadequate feeling that lurked at the back of his thoughts. The walk across the street felt endless, doubt at the forefront of his mind. When he reached the other curb, he felt the urge to run. Just to leave and not risk it. He glanced at the bus, just about to turn around-

It pulled away.

Cas swallowed thickly, looking down at himself. He unbuttoned his shirt a little lower, just to be safe, before sighing and flipping around, stepping inside. The cafe smelled like coffee, as it always did. The lights were dim, casting a yellow hue on everything and contrasting against the dim lighting of the evening. Dean looked up from his phone, he was standing behind the counter. He had a leather jacket on, a dark red Henley under it. When he saw Cas, he immediately smiled wide as if Cas wasn’t still processing that it was actually happening. With another glance at Dean, he sighed.

Dean was  _ so _ out of his league.

“You ready to go?” He asked, bouncing on his heels. When Cas looked at his phone, he saw his weather app open. Cas realized he wasn’t busy.

He was nervous too.

It felt strange to know that Dean was just as worried about how it’d go as he was, but it was also almost comforting. He wasn’t alone in that regard. He felt a little better about himself, although it felt wrong.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” he said, offering his hand to Dean. He took it, intertwining their fingers, and Cas relished in the warmth of his palm. Dean walked around the counter before pulling him out of the cafe.

Cas smiled to himself.

Maybe it’d be alright.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> if you guys enjoy this, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!  
> yell at me on twitter [here!](https://twitter.com/keepme_guessing)  
> yell at leangreencastielmmachine on twitter [here!](https://twitter.com/deansnovakk)


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